Lately I’ve been doing what I not-so-fondly refer to as “riding the wave”.
It begins like this: it’s Monday. I have all my books lined up for the week in neat bite-size piles. I can totally do this. I’ve learned so much already and I’m a rockstar. No, I’m friggen invincible. I’m bloody supergirl. I can conquer not only this book pile, but maybe one or two from tomorrow’s book pile and OH MAN THAT EXAM BETTER LOOK OUT!
Tuesday morning dawns and I’m still riding the Monday high, rearing to go, totally ready for whatever the day brings with it.
By Wednesday I have to slow down a bit. My zen isn’t completely blown, but I begin to experience symptoms of eye strain/brain overload/stress and I decide to take it easy for the day so I can make it through my week.
By Thursday, I’m completely frazzled. I have (sometimes) multiple panic attacks, I don’t want to see or talk to anyone, I’m pounding my head into my desk singing “I suuuuck I suck I suck I suck I suuuuuccckkkk” (see: 2:48). I often give up reading halfway through the day in lieu of watching filmed theatre or documentaries. I have a fitful night. Sometimes I drown my sorrows in ice cream. Sometimes I opt for a beer.
Friday, I drag myself out of bed and a miraculous thing happens: I talk myself into doing it again. Somehow, through sheer force of will, I sit back down at my desk, portion out some more books, and crack them and get to work. I take it easy for the first few hours, but eventually I get going and when I really get going I’m hard pressed to stop. I remember why I love theatre. I remember why I’m doing this. I remember why I picked this life style. By the end of the day, my spirits aren’t completely revived but I am resolved to spend the weekend relaxing and recharging and getting ready to do it again next week.
The important part isn’t that we love what we’re doing all the time. We’re not going to love what we’re doing all the time. There’s always going to be some part of the job that we loathe, detest, or otherwise makes us utterly stressed out. The important part is that, when this does happen, we pull it together. We pick ourselves up and get back on the proverbial horse. We charge back into the fray, guns blazing, ready to show that research who’s boss.
I am officially T-minus twenty days to comps liftoff.
Here I go, back into the fight.