This is a drive-by to let you know that I’m not dead.
I wish I could say many things; aphorisms about how hard I’ve been working this week, comforting thoughts about how I’m nearing the end, or really just something poignant about the process I’m going through right now.
Unfortunately, they would all be lies.
The process is only beginning. I’m just dipping my toes into the ocean that is studying for comps. I’ve been working hard, but it’s only a warm-up for the big leagues that are ever so steadily coming my way this summer.
For that, this warm-up period is important. You can never, ever, throw yourself into the
deep end and expect to swim when you’re plumb exhausted. I took a break, but quickly found that that break wasn’t enough. A good friend reminded me that fatigue is cumulative and yes, I just achieved an enormous step in this whole “becoming a Doctor” process (even though the next mountain is about twice as high and infested with Yetis) it’s no wonder I’m so damned tired. Giving into this sometimes is only going to help me in the long run and I can study during the intervals between naptime, so long as I keep naptime under control. In other words: warming my brain back up to the idea of working is an important step.
It’s not pleasant. I would liken it to those first few days at the gym pushing yourself into a brand new workout regime: i’s sweaty, uncomfortable, and no matter how good you know it is for you, you never want to go do it. You wake up exhausted and sore the next day with only the knowledge that, in order to achieve your goals, you must do it again. And again. And again.
So I’m hitting it. I’m holding myself to deadlines, I’m withholding the appropriate bribery forms (often times I have to physically walk away from my desk to keep myself from messing around on the internet instead of reading Greek tragedy), I’m keeping a proper scheduling (SCHEDULING IS IMPORTANT! Nothing creates burnout like too much work crammed into an undoable amount of time!), and I’m making sure I eat and exercise regularly.
For that, I’m tired. I’m stressed. And I don’t see it getting better anytime soon.
This summer is just going to be another exercise in staying in the red and finding the energy. But you know what? Sometimes, you just have to get it together and muscle through.
If you need me, I’ll be buried under this pile of books for the next few months. Don’t mind the occasional bouts of cursing, snoring, or drooling.