Alright.  I think I’m firmly in the saddle.

It’s been (officially) twenty days that I have been in class as a PhD student.  This seems

I have no good ideas for pictures on this topic, so I'll just stick things here that amuse me

like all the time in the world and, simultaneously, no time at all.  It’s most definitely enough time to go through the various phases of first-semester-at-a-new-program.  Let’s talk about that for a while.

Phase one: Excitement.  Usually this happens when you’re far enough out that the program itself is a pale shade of what it will be.  Usually this occurs before you’ve moved to where it is that you are moving, before you’ve purchased books, because the financial and daily realities of your new program have really had time to dawn upon you.  This is the phase of starry-eyed possibility.  Anything could happen, what should you expect?

Phase two: Nerves.  Okay, you’ve purchased your books, you’ve got a parking pass, you’re settling in to your new digs, everything is peachy keen and dandy.  But… oh god… what does that really mean?  Where are you going to fit into your new department?  Will everyone be smarter than you?  Will you be able to handle the workload?  What if they just laugh you out of class when you tell them where you came from?  What if you say something dumb on the first day?  Better wear the argyle knee socks and sweater-vest.  Maybe you can at least psych them into thinking that you’re smart.

Phase three: Enthusiasm.  This isn’t so bad.  In fact, it’s kind of awesome.  They have a library!  They have free unlimited access to the OED!  They talk and walk like I do!  They also love books!  I can quote Shakespeare at them and they don’t get that terrified look in their eye!  They share my disgust with Julie Taymor!  Yessiree, I have landed in the right place.

Phase four: Sheer Terror.  Oh god.  Oh god oh god ohgodohgodohgod.  They want me to do what?  How do I even start this research?  What’s refworks?  That’s a lot of assignments that they’ve given me… that’s a heck of a lot of reading… I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep up.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to keep up.  Just bury me in a shallow grave now and cover me with historiographic handbooks.  Maybe the department was wrong about me.  I’m an utter failure.  I suck I suck I suck.  Why did I pick this dress, why did I pick this song, why did I pick this career?

...still amusing

Phase five:  Acceptance.  Well, no turning back now.  Best to just trudge forward.  If I budget my time carefully, I’ll be able to get through at least most of this.  If I’m super careful, I can even knock some of the small assignments off now so that I can focus on the big stuff in time to get it done.  Hey, maybe it isn’t all that bad.  Okay, my social life just flat-lined and likely won’t be revived until I have a diploma in hand, but who needs friends anyway?  I’m okay not going on a date until I’m 30.

Phase six: Blissful struggling.  Yep.  I’m FINE.  Nothing to see here.  Just me working at my computer.  Again.  Nope, can’t go out tonight, thanks for asking.  I’ll just stay home and read some more.  Yep.  Peachy keen.  Pursuing my dreams.  Loving the field….

….god I need a drink.